Things I've Learned About Babies


Here are some things I've learned about babies since becoming a dad two months ago. I'm writing these as I look at my baby girl.

  • Babies can and will eject large volumes of material from either end of their bodies at will. And there's always more where that came from.
  • Babies pass gas loudly and passionately at inopportune times, such as the middle of one of grandpa's sermons.
  • The more you want to relax the harder your baby will cry. That's just the way it works. Deal with it.
  • Babies make grown men do irrational things, such as talk in falsetto voices and say things like, "Awww, is my wittle girl sweepy?"
  • There is a one in three chance that your baby will urinate as you are trying to give it a bath, forcing you to restart the bathing process from the beginning.
  • Nothing is cuter than a baby sneezing.
  • Except a baby smiling.
  • Everybody wants to hold a baby. If a man were to charge one dollar for every time someone wanted to hold his baby, he would be a millionaire in a little less than three hours.
  • Being a dad is the greatest thing in the world.
I love my family!

Posted by Stephen Altrogge at 6:38 PM  


you'd be a millionaire just from me...


beth said...
November 15, 2007 at 1:53 AM  

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